I heard a rumour about myself.
And it hurt. It hurt a lot.
Especially because I’d given so much to this person.
As helpless as I felt, I knew I had a choice: I could either fire that judgement back and continue the cycle of suffering, or soften.
After you watch the video, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Have you ever had this happen? What did you do? Let’s chat, in the comments below.
Love you so,
Tamika
Tamika,
Thank you for sharing this video. It truly came to me at the perfect time. Your wisdom and guidance has become a wonderful gift within my life for which I express so much gratitude.
Mindy, it’s an honour to have you here. I’m so glad this was helpful. 💚💚💚
So great. Love you!
Love you, Kaitlin! xOM
Sending out prickly barbed wire to others really spoke to me. I realize I’ve been doing this with one particular individual over the past 2 years and have felt very justified in doing so. Grateful to hear your words and recognize the damage I am doing to them and myself. Starting today to send out healing thoughts and prayers to this person. Thank u for the a-ha moment:)
Thank you for bringing your story to the discussion, Jenn. Your words are full of power, courage, and love! 💚🙏🏼💚
Thank-you for the awesome reminder about softening when we are feeling prickly towards others. When I am feeling judged by someone I try my best to consider it a mirror—why is that judgment being reflected back to me? Where in my life am I judging someone in a similar way? It’s a practice for me to look within and figure out the Why… and then send the person love and compassion. Sometimes I don’t really mean it and it takes awhile for it be authentic 🙂
Xo Bija
Your words are so full of wisdom, Bija. Thank you for sharing your practice, and your heart. ❤️
Remembering that I have judged others and understanding how it’s connected to my shame points is SO helpful. Thank you for sharing this beautiful message. It’s helping me to soften.
You’re so welcome. Everyone is doing the best they can. It’s so easy to forget this when we’re hurt! XO
Well I just heard my whole life story almost here!!
Your wise perception and experience is always helpful and healing. I work with this barbed wire alot. And I only know my side of many stories. Now, I will attempt to add the other piece, to see myself in what who I judge to see if I can get some softening.
So true, Helen. We only know our own side. Thank you for sharing—we are all in this together! 💚
Hey Tamika!
Thanks for sharing this post! It has been forever since we’ve connected and this video resonated across space and time for me. Thanks for your willingness to be vulnerable.
I have been thinking a lot about Transformational Justice, and spoke at a Sexual Violence conference at Ryerson U a couple weeks ago examining the idea that we can seek accountability, responsibility without destroying the person who has harmed us. What is so inspiring in what I hear you saying is that forgiveness and healing is not an easy path and paying attention to our reflexive monologue is so important.
As you know with the work I do its always a challenge to find a balance between the acts and behaviours and the whole value of people in our lives especially when we experience the harm first hand.
Thanks for you words, I often find myself reading your posts and appreciate you putting it out there.
All the best
Tim
Long time, Tim! Thanks for the gift of your wisdom here. As usual, you pinpoint the challenge and delicateness of it all so eloquently. Just hearing the words “transformational justice” makes me feel strengthened, inspired, and encouraged about where we’re all headed. I appreciate your work and the chance to continue to learn from you! You’ve always been an inspiration.
How absolutely timely this little YouTube ditty was! It made me feel almost “naked” or exposed at the thought that somehow, you were in attendance when the hurt was initiated and yesterday heard me wriggle and struggle and try desperately to slay this dragon-of-a-feeling. Barbed Wire (coming from me) – that is exactly how I would describe the energetic feeling I had during the interaction. It took me about an hour to regroup as I spent the next 2 hours with this person. The next day, I tried to use the skills recently taught by Carolyn in the CYTT and that was to find empathy for the individual. This video has helped me go a step further and recognize my own imperfection and my own judgement. To accept these things in myself, I must allow others their judgment & imperfections too, knowing that we are each a part of the whole. Thank you Tamika!
Thank you for sharing your experience, Tammy. You are in good company with the rest of us gloriously imperfect humans! I’m so glad this was useful, and I’m so glad you’re enjoying HeartRise with Carolyn! So much love to you 💚🙏🏼💜
Thank You Sometimes simply hearing the words that others are hurt by insensitive comments from another, & struggle a wee bit to find balance & perspective is all the reminder we need ….. “softening the pricklies”. Thank you for that reminder. 💗
You truly are a lovely human being 😘💋
Honesty brings us together, doesn’t it. So glad this touched something for you. 💚🙏🏼💜
Oh I love this and YES oh my goodness YES I have been working on this. I used to actually excuse my judgement of others by saying “well I am the hardest in myself” 🤷🏼♀️🙄 ……. which if you think about it was absolutely the truth because I was judging myself in ALL of it. When I started to realized that most of my judgement was about myself and what I didn’t like about ME and it was just all of that being constantly reflected back at me I was able to begin to stop myself and stay with that reflection and that sitting with it was where I found that softening too, that acceptance that we are all humans and oh so similar and we can be forgiving/kinder to others especially when we are forgiving and kind to ourselves. It’s been a huge lesson and it will continue to be my work for a lifetime but it’s worth it. I am worth it. We all are.
Thank you for this beautiful message Tamika 💗
Thank you for sharing your experience and offering gentleness and forgiveness as a way to move forward in these difficult moments. So glad you’re here, Helen! 💚
Spot on as ever you beautiful truth warrior. Miss you X
Hugs and love to you, songstress!
I judge new people I meet very quickly. I think I have figured them out instantly. I am almost always wrong. I have judged people harshly and they have become great friends, I have been easily charmed to find out that certain people don’t have good intentions. I am aware that I need to step back and take time to get to know someone. Being aware of this fault does not make it any easier to correct. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Thank you for your honesty, Stacey. 🙏🏼 I love that despite our quick assumptions, we can still connect and learn from new people. xo
with the coming holidays old wounds and issues judging are coming to the surface (both self judging and the judging and blaming of others) and i am struggling but your words are so very helpful. “they don’t know what it is like to stand in your truth”… i’m in a puddle of tears
thank you for reminding it was never meant to be perfect
hearts
angela
tamika I really enjoyed hearing this video this morning I am currently taking a training with you in London Ontario and I have been feeling like this is been happening to me quite a bit from you when I realize that it’s always my own always always always and it was such a timely reminder because of course I have the opportunity to come and hear you speak and teach to me again this morning you probably will be reading this until after our session however I am deeply grateful for your work and would appreciate you letting me know if there are mentors in the London area he would recommend me toward this heartfelt teaching I’ve been a seeker for a long time and enjoy it and enjoy learning And sharing with those I love
Kristy, your heart is so bright and big! It’s a joy to have you in Subtle Energy. If you’d like to send me an email with more information about what you’re looking for, you can email info@tamikaschilbe.com xOM
tamika I really enjoyed hearing this video this morning I am currently taking a training with you in London Ontario and I have been feeling like this is been happening to me quite a bit .
when I realize that it’s always my own always always always and it was such a timely reminder because of course I have the opportunity to come and hear you speak and teach to me again this morning
you probably will be reading this until after our session however I am deeply grateful for your work
Kristy, I’m so honoured to have you here. xx