I heard a rumour about myself.

And it hurt. It hurt a lot.

Especially because I’d given so much to this person.

As helpless as I felt, I knew I had a choice: I could either fire that judgement back and continue the cycle of suffering, or soften.

After you watch the video, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Have you ever had this happen? What did you do? Let’s chat, in the comments below.

Love you so,

Tamika

Comments

Mindy Biggar says

Tamika,
Thank you for sharing this video. It truly came to me at the perfect time. Your wisdom and guidance has become a wonderful gift within my life for which I express so much gratitude.

Reply

Tamika says

Mindy, it's an honour to have you here. I'm so glad this was helpful. 💚💚💚

Reply

Kaitlin says

So great. Love you!

Reply

Tamika says

Love you, Kaitlin! xOM

Reply

Jenn says

Sending out prickly barbed wire to others really spoke to me. I realize I’ve been doing this with one particular individual over the past 2 years and have felt very justified in doing so. Grateful to hear your words and recognize the damage I am doing to them and myself. Starting today to send out healing thoughts and prayers to this person. Thank u for the a-ha moment:)

Reply

Tamika says

Thank you for bringing your story to the discussion, Jenn. Your words are full of power, courage, and love! 💚🙏🏼💚

Reply

Bija says

Thank-you for the awesome reminder about softening when we are feeling prickly towards others. When I am feeling judged by someone I try my best to consider it a mirror—why is that judgment being reflected back to me? Where in my life am I judging someone in a similar way? It’s a practice for me to look within and figure out the Why... and then send the person love and compassion. Sometimes I don’t really mean it and it takes awhile for it be authentic :)
Xo Bija

Reply

Tamika says

Your words are so full of wisdom, Bija. Thank you for sharing your practice, and your heart. ❤️

Reply

Carolyn Jyoti says

Remembering that I have judged others and understanding how it's connected to my shame points is SO helpful. Thank you for sharing this beautiful message. It's helping me to soften.

Reply

Tamika says

You're so welcome. Everyone is doing the best they can. It's so easy to forget this when we're hurt! XO

Reply

Helen Valks says

Well I just heard my whole life story almost here!!
Your wise perception and experience is always helpful and healing. I work with this barbed wire alot. And I only know my side of many stories. Now, I will attempt to add the other piece, to see myself in what who I judge to see if I can get some softening.

Reply

Tamika says

So true, Helen. We only know our own side. Thank you for sharing—we are all in this together! 💚

Reply

Tim Kelly says

Hey Tamika!
Thanks for sharing this post! It has been forever since we've connected and this video resonated across space and time for me. Thanks for your willingness to be vulnerable.

I have been thinking a lot about Transformational Justice, and spoke at a Sexual Violence conference at Ryerson U a couple weeks ago examining the idea that we can seek accountability, responsibility without destroying the person who has harmed us. What is so inspiring in what I hear you saying is that forgiveness and healing is not an easy path and paying attention to our reflexive monologue is so important.

As you know with the work I do its always a challenge to find a balance between the acts and behaviours and the whole value of people in our lives especially when we experience the harm first hand.

Thanks for you words, I often find myself reading your posts and appreciate you putting it out there.

All the best

Tim

Reply

Tamika says

Long time, Tim! Thanks for the gift of your wisdom here. As usual, you pinpoint the challenge and delicateness of it all so eloquently. Just hearing the words "transformational justice" makes me feel strengthened, inspired, and encouraged about where we're all headed. I appreciate your work and the chance to continue to learn from you! You've always been an inspiration.

Reply

Tammy Doerrl says

How absolutely timely this little YouTube ditty was! It made me feel almost "naked" or exposed at the thought that somehow, you were in attendance when the hurt was initiated and yesterday heard me wriggle and struggle and try desperately to slay this dragon-of-a-feeling. Barbed Wire (coming from me) - that is exactly how I would describe the energetic feeling I had during the interaction. It took me about an hour to regroup as I spent the next 2 hours with this person. The next day, I tried to use the skills recently taught by Carolyn in the CYTT and that was to find empathy for the individual. This video has helped me go a step further and recognize my own imperfection and my own judgement. To accept these things in myself, I must allow others their judgment & imperfections too, knowing that we are each a part of the whole. Thank you Tamika!

Reply

Tamika says

Thank you for sharing your experience, Tammy. You are in good company with the rest of us gloriously imperfect humans! I'm so glad this was useful, and I'm so glad you're enjoying HeartRise with Carolyn! So much love to you 💚🙏🏼💜

Reply

Mic says

Thank You Sometimes simply hearing the words that others are hurt by insensitive comments from another, & struggle a wee bit to find balance & perspective is all the reminder we need ..... “softening the pricklies”. Thank you for that reminder. 💗
You truly are a lovely human being 😘💋

Reply

Tamika says

Honesty brings us together, doesn't it. So glad this touched something for you. 💚🙏🏼💜

Reply

Helen says

Oh I love this and YES oh my goodness YES I have been working on this. I used to actually excuse my judgement of others by saying “well I am the hardest in myself” 🤷🏼‍♀️🙄 ....... which if you think about it was absolutely the truth because I was judging myself in ALL of it. When I started to realized that most of my judgement was about myself and what I didn’t like about ME and it was just all of that being constantly reflected back at me I was able to begin to stop myself and stay with that reflection and that sitting with it was where I found that softening too, that acceptance that we are all humans and oh so similar and we can be forgiving/kinder to others especially when we are forgiving and kind to ourselves. It’s been a huge lesson and it will continue to be my work for a lifetime but it’s worth it. I am worth it. We all are.
Thank you for this beautiful message Tamika 💗

Reply

Tamika says

Thank you for sharing your experience and offering gentleness and forgiveness as a way to move forward in these difficult moments. So glad you're here, Helen! 💚

Reply

Majella says

Spot on as ever you beautiful truth warrior. Miss you X

Reply

Tamika says

Hugs and love to you, songstress!

Reply

Stacey says

I judge new people I meet very quickly. I think I have figured them out instantly. I am almost always wrong. I have judged people harshly and they have become great friends, I have been easily charmed to find out that certain people don't have good intentions. I am aware that I need to step back and take time to get to know someone. Being aware of this fault does not make it any easier to correct. Thank you for sharing your experience.

Reply

Tamika says

Thank you for your honesty, Stacey. 🙏🏼 I love that despite our quick assumptions, we can still connect and learn from new people. xo

Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *